Secretsofmommyhood

A Sudden Scare

Posted on: July 24, 2016

Epi 2

Yesterday was like any other Saturday in our house. We got up and relaxed, not having anywhere urgent to go. My boys played and watched a little tv, had lunch. We ran a couple errands, had dinner and then gave the boys a bath right after.

Bath time was when everything changed. 

After the bath I was putting lotion on Giovanni and saw them. Hives. Immediately my stomach began to churn and my brain went crazy. What did we have for dinner? What could be giving him hives? I need to get Benadryl in him right away. What if it gets worse and I have to give him the Epi? My thoughts were whirling in my mind and I felt scared but I didn’t want my son to see how nervous I was.

I calmly finished putting his lotion on and had him put on his pajamas then we went downstairs. By then he was pretty itchy. I immediately grabbed the Benadryl and gave it to Giovanni and gave him a once over with my eyes to make sure the hives weren’t spreading and there wasn’t any swelling. He went to the living room and I headed for the counter to search out the empty cans from the ingredients I used for dinner. I checked and double checked the ingredients. Then I noticed something. One of them didn’t have any allergy labeling at all. Why hadn’t I noticed that when I bought it? Why didn’t I check more carefully and call the manufacturer before using it? Was this the food that caused the hives? Why hadn’t I done a better job of taking care of my son? The guilt was pushing it’s way through and taking over me. 

Then I hear it. “Mommy, my tummy hurts.” My heart races and my stomach is in knots. Is this it? Is he about to go into anaphylaxsis? I look at my husband with worry written all over my face. “If he throws up, I’m giving him the Epi,” I say. “He’s ok,” he calmly replies, “Look at him.” Giovanni did look fine but that didn’t stop me from watching him like a hawk the rest of the evening and praying over and over to God that he would truly be ok and nothing worse would happen. “It’s only hives,” I tell myself with tears welling up in my eyes. “It’s only hives, it’s only hives…”

Thankfully, God protected my little man and the Benadryl worked it’s magic. Nothing else happened. Just a few hives that caused an enormous scare.

But it could have been worse.

It could have been worse.

When you’re the parent of a child with life-threatening food allergies any day can turn into a scary one. Any day could be the one you have to use that Epi-pen. It can happen even when you think you’ve done what you should to protect your child. And the guilt you feel when there is an incident like mine is unbearable. Knowing that you weren’t careful enough. Knowing you did something wrong and your child could have greatly suffered as a result. And it would have been your fault.

That guilt won’t ever go away.

The fear of anaphylaxsis will never go away.

Wondering if I’ll make the mistake again and it’ll be worse next time, that feeling will never go away.

This is the life of an allergy mom.

 

 

 

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